


Gabriel: The Zeppo

by KassieProphet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 08:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16301711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassieProphet/pseuds/KassieProphet
Summary: **This Was Written Mid-S13**One of my favorite BtVS episodes is “The Zeppo.” I don’t know if it’s bc Xander is supposed to be the audience proxy or if it’s bc of the tongue-in-cheek commentary on the melodramatics of the show, but I never get tired of watching it.I’ve been thinking about this episode ever since the SPN S12-13 writers (Dabb) have trying to broadcast as loudly as possible that there are just things that happen off screen that we don’t see—that we’ll never see—but happen all the same. It actually made me think about Gabriel, whom I personally choose to believe is not dead, but back in hiding.





	Gabriel: The Zeppo

**Author's Note:**

> At some point I might actually expound on this ficlet

Since he wasn’t in Heaven when the Angles fell, Gabriel is still in possession of all his powers and assets.

He’s just going around on Angel Transport, all cloaked and everything, and he runs into a Big Bad. He thinks, “This is totes a job for Dean-o, Samsquatch, and my idiot brother.”

So, he pops into the Bunker and…Dean & Cas are just staring at each other pensively; Dean’s jaw twitches and Castiel’s eyes narrow further. And Gabriel’s like, “Ah, I’m interrupting something,” so he goes in search of Sam.

Sam’s in the library with his computer set up in front of him running a search; he’s surrounded by chairs with lore books opened and overlapping each other, and he’s squinting intensely at a book in his lap that’s written in Latin. Clearly not the best time.

He goes to see Kali—hey, she’s a Big Bad after all!—but she just grabs him for a round of I-Thought-You-Were-Dead-But-I-Still-Hate-You sex, before kicking his ass out again.

So Gabriel tries Crowley, but the instant he arrives in the throne room, Crowley just says, “No.” And as Gabriel uncloaks, he’s is all like, “How did you know I was—” And Crowley’s still like, “No.” And Gabriel tries again, but Crowley just keeps cutting him off. Gabriel, frustrated, pulls out his  ~~dick~~  wings and starts in with the shock & awe, but Crowley just arches his eyebrow that screams,  _Please, you’re no Lucifer_. They stare at each other for a while until Crowley goes, “The staring must be a family trait,” and Gabriel’s just like, “You’re an asshole, you know that?” and Crowley’s like, “An asshole who will keep your secret if you leave. Now.” So Gabriel huffs and leaves but not before snapping his fingers and changing all of Crowley’s scotch to apple juice.

He thinks maybe he’ll try the Winchesters again, but when he gets to them he finds them under attack. Papers and detritus are flying everywhere as lights flicker on and off. Sam is standing over a ceremonial bowl, gash to the head with blood running down his face and cradling his wrist, chanting in what sounds like a Latin translation of an Enochian spell. Dean comes flying out of nowhere into a wall dropping what looks like the lost blade of whosiwhatsit (Gabe can never keep these things straight, he’s the  _Messenger_  for Chuck’s sake, not the weapons keeper). He hears Cas scream “DEAN” before  _he_  goes flying out of sight into the other room with his Smite Face on. Dean is getting back up wobbily and he’s screaming “No, Cas,  _don’t_!” as he charges after him with Blade Muy Importante. There’s a flash behind him as Sam tosses something into the bowl and then there’s a—

Gabriel hi-tails it out of there—this clearly not being the best time to subtly influence Team Free Will to help him with the, uh,  _other_  Big Bad. He finally resigns himself to the fact that HE’S going to have to deal with the Big Bad all by himself. He flaps over to where the Big Bad is summoning whatever nihilistic monstrosity it’s convinced will aid it with the destruction of the blahblahblah Gabriel didn’t read that far. He lays a ring of holy fire around the summoning circle and plays a game of chicken with the Big Bad, “You want to summon that thing, then you’ll be the first it eats while it’s trapped here, Mudface.” “You know that means it’ll eat you as well, Featherbrain.” “Ayup.” The Big Bad starts to chant again, calling Gabriel’s bluff, so Gabe drops the lighter on the holy fire, which causes the Big Bad to quickly backtrack, suddenly reversing the spell instead of carrying it forward.

The only downside of this plan is that Gabe and the Big Bad are stuck in the circle until it rains, which will be Chuck knows when. There’s a lot of snark and aggressive posturing at first: Gabriel gets in a swipe of his Archangel blade and the Big Bad leaves a handprint on Gabe’s wrist that kills his skin and takes a week to heal. At that point, though, they’re both sitting on opposite ends of the circle playing I-Spy after the Big Bad said if it had to hear any more about Gabriel’s daddy issues, it’d open the gate anyway to put Itself out of it’s misery, when it finally,  _finally_  starts to rain. Gabe has half a mind just to let It go with a warning, but out of nowhere there’s a howl and some growling and Gabriel watches as the Big Bad is torn to shredded meat ribbons.

He’s ready for himself to be next when he hears a whistle and turns to see Crowley petting Juliet. Gabriel just stares at him, mouth agape, and Crowley just shrugs and says, “What? That nasty fuck has been evading me for centuries. He cheated me out of a deal that included a jar of Phoenix feathers and the last Vestal Virgin. I have a reputation to keep.” And then he’s gone.

Gabriel goes back to the Bunker, but it’s been nearly 2 weeks at this point and the devastation wrought on the furnishings has been fixed and Sam & Dean have been assumedly healed by Castiel. Dean is cleaning his gun while Cas gazes into Sam’s laptop, “I don’t understand…if humans only have 5 senses what happened to 6 and 7?” Sam, who was reading a history book nearby looks up at Dean, who rolls his eyes. “Just watch the show, Cas.”

Gabe just breathes a sigh of relief and decides to lie on a beach in the Bahamas for an eon.


End file.
